Dexamethasone Dexamethasone Dexamethasone
It’s a steroid that is supposed to enhance chemotherapy. I told my brother the other day that I’m taking a steroid.
“Cool” he said, “Are you going to have huge muscles?”
“I wish, not that kind of steroid” I replied, remembering my very normal muscles from the mirror the other day.
“No, I just get to lose sleep and have my mental aspects altered”.
I’m currently taking 20mg Saturday and Sunday, which is the high. Steroid crash starts happening Monday night and all of Tuesday. It feels like I want to collapse and explode at the same time. Also it seems like there is a little angry gremlin in my chest trying to escape
I was eating lunch talking with my wife about it last month.
“I think the steroids are affecting me mentally, I feel more angry and irritated”. Mind you, I think most people would say that I’m a pretty mellow guy who gets along.
“Do you want to know the truth?” She asked me. “Of course I do”, I replied. “It’s affecting you a lot. I’ve noticed and the kids have noticed”.
“Good to know”, I said.
You can’t work on a flaw within yourself if you don’t quite know it exists. I feel like we are always kinder to ourselves in our minds and skew our perception. I had an old Filipino friend and co worker and his favorite phrase is “I’m a legend in my own mind”. I love that phrase and think of it when evaluating myself. It’s helpful to have a trusted family member/friend to let you know how the rest of the world perceives you.
Last Tuesday (steroid crash day), I could tell as soon as I was done eating breakfast, today was going to be a challenge day emotionally. I was GRUMPY. I decided that I was mostly going to try and keep to myself so I didn’t share my mental wonders with the family 😜. My poor wife decided she wanted to cheer me up a bit, but the gremlin would not allow it. GRRRRRR is what she got in return.
It is my personal goal to be constantly working on myself, especially mentally, to be in control of my mind. I spend time analyzing myself on why I react to certain situations and how to improve. Being grumpy, mad or sad is just a state of mind (or FEAR, that’s a huge one, needs it’s own post though). With training, you can take yourself from one state of mind to a better one.
I start with of a picture in my mind of who I want to be, to set my goal. That way I can compare the way I am to who I want to be. Certainly no one wants to be an angry grumpy bastard, even on Dex days. Try to improve a little every day and over time you will find yourself a better person.
Overall, I think I’m doing alright mastering myself, still lots of room for improvement, but then again I am a legend in my own mind.
Carrots Over Cancer 