I was reading another myeloma blog today. The author, who has had myeloma for over ten years, was expressing his feelings of just being over it at this point.
I’ve been aware of the “just over it” concept for a while. I’ve seen in other people who had cancer, and I’ve seen it in older people who had lived long enough, having had their fill of life’s experiences.
An interesting thought popped into my head. I wondered what would be better, having a cancer like myeloma that can last years, or have a different cancer that just wraps up your lifespan rather quickly. It’s hard to be over it, when you don’t get the time to be over it.
I suppose it matters greatly on the person, their age, and how much they want to keep living. Not that you always have any measure of control over things. I’ve seen too many stories, such as an example, of a parent of young children, who develop cancer and are no longer with us, who probably would have rather kept living.
Time toxicity is something very real. I think the first time I heard of the concept was from reading an article by an oncologist. Basically, time toxicity in cancer is taking a chemotherapy that they can estimate, will add X amount of time to your lifespan. You gain X amount of time, but you will spend 3/4 of that time driving to the therapy, waiting for the therapy, getting the therapy, being sick from the therapy, getting tests for the therapy, etc etc…
So the end result is gaining a small amount of good lifespan.
Which leads back to the “just over it” mindset. If you are getting to that point, I think it’s important to review what your reasons for doing what you are doing are, and what you have to be grateful for in your life. Then it becomes easier to see what your effort is worth. And if it’s not worth it to you anymore, I think it’s ok just to be over it and move on from your body. It’s a personal and family choice.
I’m personally, not “over it”. Although, on chemo days, when I feel like crap, I do find myself asking the question, “is this worth it”. The answer is always “yes”, but I can see the perspective of “just being over it”.
Anyhow, that’s my random thought for today. Blood test tomorrow, maintenance chemo the following day. I only have blood tests every 2 months now, which is great. I’ll share the results when I have them.
Carrots Over Cancer 