I Will Never Be Old Enough To Know Better
Tag: for fun
No One Takes You Seriously
Of Course We Need Some Carrot Jokes!
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What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
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How do you make your soup golden?
Put 24 carrots in it.
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Since pirates are on the water all the time, meat is scare and some are actually vegetarians.
They are called Pirates of the Carrot Bean.
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Why do carrots improve your sight?
They contain vitamin see!
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Did you hear about the carrot detective?
He got to the root of every case!
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What do you call a Triceratops with carrots in its ears?
Anything you like. It can’t hear you!
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What’s a vegetable’s favorite martial art?
Carrotee!
The Gift of Giving
I’ve been thinking about gifts a lot lately, obviously because of what time of year it is. This is something I really wanted to write about, but I’ve been spending so much time with family as of late, I haven’t had much time for writing.
I have some fond memories of opening or receiving gifts. I remember exploding with happiness and joy, one year when I was around 11-12. I had just unwrapped a Game boy! I had really wanted one so bad. Can you imagine, playing black and white (actually, I guess it was kind of greenish) Tetris in the palm of your hands! (Yes, I’m a bit of a geek at times) It was so amazing. I can see any young people reading this rolling their eyes, but this was really cutting edge technology. It’s nothing compared to today’s technology, but back in my day, HOLY COW!
Or the time my Dad got a basketball hoop and hung it on our garage. Finally, I could shoot hoops as much as I wanted. One year, my Dad had some new asphalt laid on the driveway, which included in front of the garage. It was a brand new court, no more bouncing the ball on a random rock and shooting off in a different direction. The pavement was a thing of beauty.
I remember one birthday, maybe around the age of 11, I spent almost the whole day volunteering. I came home just for a little bit, barely had any times for presents or cake. I remember going to bed that night, thinking it was my best birthday ever. (I do remember getting Mario Bros 2 for NES, which was awesome until I realized Nintendo pulled a fast one on everyone, and it wasn’t a true Mario game). Maybe at this point, I had received a glimpse of giving?
Fast forward a few decades and I had children of my own. Holidays with kids in the house is 1000% better than not having them around. They just ooze with anticipation and excitement. It’s so much fun to be around. I loved shopping for and buying wooden Thomas the trains, legos and craft projects for my children. One year, I was hunting for a wooden Cranky the crane (from Thomas) that my eldest son really wanted. I finally found one on eBay, new and for a price I wanted to pay. Score, victory! My son exploded with happiness as he unwrapped, opened the box and started cranking the handle to move the string up and down, carrying a piece of cargo.
By this point, I was on board with giving. I was married and wanted to give whatever I could to my wife and make her happy. We started having kids and I wanted to give them whatever I could and make them happy. I was a giving pro or at least I thought (legend in my own mind again).
As it turns out, it’s actually quite easy to give things to children and they get happy and excited. What about adults?!?! Try to give something to an adult and have them radiate happiness and joy.
Throughout my life, I’ve heard the saying, “you can’t actually give anything away.” I thought, “that’s nice”, without understanding. Within the last 5-8 years, I think I finally have understanding and that increases every year. I’m a believer.
As it turns out (Again!), it’s actually the person who is giving, who is the one who is benefiting the most!
Wow, what a lesson, and I don’t think it’s a lesson that everyone learns. I’m not sure if I’m reaching an age that has some wisdom that comes with it (I still have a long way to go in the wisdom department, maybe by 80 I’ll be wise?) or it’s part of my cancer-university (growth) or what? Of course it helps to have some givers in my life that I can observe. Maybe in another 10 years I will finally get it completely.
I think people who just buy everything that they want for themselves, because they can or don’t care to take the time to give, are the ones who are really missing out. I find that a shame for them and actually pity them.
True giving, taking the time to think about, find, buy or make a gift and have it be something that brings happiness or joy to a person, is something special for the giver. They are the ones who get that good feeling in their chest, that true happiness radiating from and around their heart.
And if you want to talk about true happiness, try volunteering or giving your time to someone in need and receive a (golden) genuine “thank you” in return. Holy cow! That’s something that nurtures your soul.
Of course, you don’t always give or get what (they) you wanted. It’s probably not possible 100% of the time. Perhaps, it’s more about the energy or the wanting to give, that comes with a gift, than whatever the gift actually is. That’s maybe what’s actually important.
I can’t speak for my parents and the game boy, but I have a feeling, as with when Cranky the crane entered ours lives, that my wife and I were the real winners that day. As my years, holidays, birthdays and anniversaries go by, it’s more important for me to give than it is to get, because I’m the lucky one in the end, who receives the Gift of Giving.
Breathe Through Your Mouth Stupid
As I mentioned in my previous post, I developed a sinus cold/infection after my last dose of chemo.
My sinuses and nose were so plugged. I was laying awake around midnight, trying to sleep.
Growing up, I always shared a bedroom with my younger brother. I remember a time or two when he was sick and his nose was plugged up. He would be crying in bed and my Mom would come in to comfort him. I would lay there trying to sleep, drowning out the noise as best as I could.
He was crying and crying and he blurted out, “I can’t breathe!” At this point I had enough and yelled out, “breathe through your mouth stupid!” As you can tell, I wasn’t a very sympathetic brother. Of course he could breathe, he had no trouble crying his head off at my Mom, I thought.
I used to be a back or stomach sleeper. When I had a tumor on my sacrum, I begrudgingly switched to a side sleeper.
Fast forward in time to last week. Laying there awake, I thought to myself, “I can’t breathe!” My nose is so plugged. Another voice in my head said “breathe through your mouth stupid!” and this old memory came flooding back. At this point, I burst out laughing. The irony of it. Of course, I knew I could breathe through my mouth, I would just start drooling on my pillow (which sucks too), now being a side only sleeper.
I very much earned this lack of breathing experience. Life has a funny way of making circles out of things and teaching you some wisdom where it can. Be nicer to your brother!
Here you go…
I had an eye check up the other day. My eyes are pretty good, but things have been getting a little fuzzy up close. I know vision changes can happen from myeloma, from chemotherapy to treat myeloma and because, I’m just getting older.
I told the chemo nurses my vision has changed since I started chemo four months ago now. They couldn’t tell me if it was related to the drugs or age, which is fair, because neither can I.
I went in to the Optometrists, had my eyeballs examined, read all the tiny letters and the result was that I still have 20/20 vision at a distance. About a foot away, I need some weak reading glasses. I’m not sure if I’ll bother yet, since I usually read around two feet away, which I don’t have a problem with (yet 🤞🏼). Guess I’m just getting a bit old, which is good in my situation.
In about two weeks, the doctors want to run a whole host of tests on me to check up on the myeloma in further depth (including, the dreaded bone marrow biopsy).
One of the other tests is a 24-hour urine test to check protein and creatinine clearance. I was already at the doctors for my eyes, so I went over to the lab to do the paperwork and get my pee jugs. That took about 10 minutes and I hopped in the car and went home.
When I got home, I was reading over the instructions for the test before I put it all away, since I’m not doing the test yet. I happened to look at the labels they stuck on the jug and saw the printed doctor’s label. Rrrrrr…. Somehow the lab tech printed out a doctor’s label that had the Optometrist’s name and doctor’s code on it. How is it even an option to have an optometrist’s name print for a urine test?
I promise you, I try and not micromanage so much. But I swear, I find myself having to micromanage my medical everything so much. Just a gripe, but I shouldn’t have to double-check the labels on my pee jugs!
Although, I couldn’t help it, almost immediately after I saw the optometrists name on the label, the sinister thought of handing over my pee jugs to the optometrists, did make me laugh 😂. Here you go….
You’re a Cancerer
It was a cold and windy night. My cousin Soren had decided to take his wife and family on a holiday. They had a spare room in the house they rented and invited me to come along. It was an odd vacation home. You had to take a boat to get there because it was on a tiny island the middle of the sea.
After we got warmed up and our arms recovered from all the rowing, we started settling in. I found my room, it was on the second story of the house overlooking, well of course, the sea. I dropped off my belongings and headed back down stairs. The rest of the family was sitting around a tall dining room table on black stools.
“What should we have for dinner”, Soren asked
“I want pizza!”, cried my niece.
“I want roasted vegetables with quinoa!”, cried my nephew (yeah right, good one).
“I want a drink”, cried my cousin.
All of a sudden, there was a roaring boom and the power went out.
“It’s probably just the gfci breaker” I said (of course the whole house is gfci protected being on a tiny island, surrounded by water, safety first).
I got up to check the electrical panel, but I stumbled backwards, because there was a big hairy man standing there, check that, this is my story, a beautiful woman standing there. (Hmmm…. My wife might read this, never mind, a big hairy man it is).
My eyes met the big hairy man’s eyes.
“I’ve been looking all around for you, Jothi” he said.
“You have?”
“I need to tell you something” he replied. Hmm… I thought to myself, what could it be?
“You’re a Cancerer” He said.
“Wow, that’s great news” I exclaimed. Of course of was lying, having no idea what a Cancerer was.
“Well, can I be one too?” asked Soren
“No, you are a Nuggle. Non-cancer folk”
“Jothi, We need to get you to Perpendicular alley and get you all signed up and ready for the adventure forthcoming”, said the man.
“Perpendicular Alley! Wow, that sounds incredible!” Although quietly in my head I was thinking it would be nice if it was a more interesting or flexible shape. “Let’s go!”.
And before I knew it, I was all signed up and on the program, I didn’t even fully know what exactly was going on, my life forever changed.
Please excuse my silly story parody. It’s been bouncing around in my head for awhile.
Have you ever noticed how people treat you different once they know you have cancer? It seems like either they can be overly sympathetic because they think you’re about to die and pity you or they suddenly don’t want to have much to do with you. “The very thought of your cancer make me feel so uncomfortable, that I can’t be around you”. Just like that, people can just melt out of your life. Which is fine, truthfully it’s best not to be around people who are like that. Their problem is within themselves.
I really like the song “Best Fake Smile” by James Bay. There is nothing like getting a fake smile. Please take it with you and go find what makes you happy and have a great life.
Well, to be fair, I’m not the same person as I was prior to cancer. Things seem clearer, simpler, to me. There is a new level of appreciation and gratitude for life. I also don’t seem to have patience for pettiness, selfishness or complainers. Not that I don’t have those things show up within myself from time to time, I don’t have patience for them there either.
I have met some amazing, chronically ill people in the last few years. Their ability to keep going with a gusto and still keep smiling with the challenges they go through on a daily basis is inspiring.
I recently watched a show about a 12 year old boy, who has sickle cell disease. Sickle cell disease is a condition where your red blood cells are not round, but in the shape of a sickle.
The consequence of that are fatigue, early cell death causing anemia or blocked blood flow causing pain.
There is no cure for sickle cell disease. Treatments include chemotherapy and blood transfusions.
Towards the end of the program, the interviewer asked the boy, “Do you wish you never had sickle cell disease?” The boy sat there quiet for a minute in thought and said “No”. I think that surprised the interviewer and he asked why. The boy said “sickle cell made me into the person I am today and it gave me a greater appreciation for life and what I have.”
“Wow”, I thought to myself. This kid is my hero! He is wiser than half the people you see walking down the street. Amazing people are everywhere and come in all sizes. Some light bulbs just burn brighter than others.
So the next time you pity or decide you aren’t comfortable with a cancer person (or other chronic illness person) in your life, look inside yourself and remember you could be losing out on someone who is truly remarkable.
If you have cancer, you’re genuinely amazing!
The Yukon Fan Club
This is our family dog, Yukon. He is a 2 year old English cream Labrador retriever. He was born on a winery in Napa of all places. There was an English gentleman, who had 2 English creams as pets and were also his trademark for his wine. One was a boy and the other was a girl. Nature happened and Yukon came into this world.
He is a mellow, easy going guy. I wanted to get a dog for my children, to increase the happiness in our household. They have wanted to get a dog for a long while and I always resisted. No time like the present is how I find myself living more and more.
For some reason, beyond my reasoning, he decided that I am his favorite person. I don’t dislike dogs but the the rest of my family all liked dogs better than I. Go figure. I must need it more???
He is a goofy boy. His hobbies include loving anyone he can, watching squirrels, eating almond butter and popcorn, chasing the leaf blower, marking the neighborhood, playing, breathing in my face and helping me do whatever I do, no matter what.
This includes helping me: go for walks, eat my meals, garden, qigong, meditate, cook, vacuum, write (he’s under the table right now helping write this), take a nap, do laundry, get changed, take the garbage cans down the road and clipping my toe nails. We have nicknamed him, my shadow. As far as he is concerned, wherever I go, he goes.
An interesting thing I noticed about Yukon, is that he is always legitimately really happy to see everyone, all the time, no matter who it is.
Everyday is the best day, even if we just take out the garbage. Maybe the world would be a better place if we were all like dogs?
Tennessee Beach
A few days ago, my wife Vasuki and I went on a mini adventure. I saw on a map a few days prior that there was a beach, near Muir beach, that I didn’t know existed. I do enjoy going somewhere new to experience something different or unknown.
If you live in the Bay Area, I do recommend checking out Tennessee Beach located in Marin. It is a hike in beach, about 2 miles each way from the parking lot, but it is a flat hike, so quite easy. The hike itself is quite a nice hike with interesting things to see (wildlife, marshland, trees).
Tennessee beach is a rock beach, which was cool. The colors and formations were amazing. Mother Nature always seems to impress.
Ya Grumpy Bastard
Dexamethasone Dexamethasone Dexamethasone
It’s a steroid that is supposed to enhance chemotherapy. I told my brother the other day that I’m taking a steroid.
“Cool” he said, “Are you going to have huge muscles?”
“I wish, not that kind of steroid” I replied, remembering my very normal muscles from the mirror the other day.
“No, I just get to lose sleep and have my mental aspects altered”.
I’m currently taking 20mg Saturday and Sunday, which is the high. Steroid crash starts happening Monday night and all of Tuesday. It feels like I want to collapse and explode at the same time. Also it seems like there is a little angry gremlin in my chest trying to escape
I was eating lunch talking with my wife about it last month.
“I think the steroids are affecting me mentally, I feel more angry and irritated”. Mind you, I think most people would say that I’m a pretty mellow guy who gets along.
“Do you want to know the truth?” She asked me. “Of course I do”, I replied. “It’s affecting you a lot. I’ve noticed and the kids have noticed”.
“Good to know”, I said.
You can’t work on a flaw within yourself if you don’t quite know it exists. I feel like we are always kinder to ourselves in our minds and skew our perception. I had an old Filipino friend and co worker and his favorite phrase is “I’m a legend in my own mind”. I love that phrase and think of it when evaluating myself. It’s helpful to have a trusted family member/friend to let you know how the rest of the world perceives you.
Last Tuesday (steroid crash day), I could tell as soon as I was done eating breakfast, today was going to be a challenge day emotionally. I was GRUMPY. I decided that I was mostly going to try and keep to myself so I didn’t share my mental wonders with the family 😜. My poor wife decided she wanted to cheer me up a bit, but the gremlin would not allow it. GRRRRRR is what she got in return.
It is my personal goal to be constantly working on myself, especially mentally, to be in control of my mind. I spend time analyzing myself on why I react to certain situations and how to improve. Being grumpy, mad or sad is just a state of mind (or FEAR, that’s a huge one, needs it’s own post though). With training, you can take yourself from one state of mind to a better one.
I start with of a picture in my mind of who I want to be, to set my goal. That way I can compare the way I am to who I want to be. Certainly no one wants to be an angry grumpy bastard, even on Dex days. Try to improve a little every day and over time you will find yourself a better person.
Overall, I think I’m doing alright mastering myself, still lots of room for improvement, but then again I am a legend in my own mind.
Carrots Over Cancer 