Mercury Is In Uranus Right Now
Tag: happiness
Get Your Ducks In A Row
Khakis or Khakis?
I Will Never Be Old Enough To Know Better
Who Do You Want To Be?
I’ve been having this conversation a few times with my family as of late, most notably with my teenagers. Teenagers are at a transformation point in their lives, so it can be pretty easy to have conversations like this. But, I think it’s an interesting question for everyone.
What kind of person do you want to be?
When I was working and walking around the job, I would be constantly thinking. I had a complex job and being a supervisor, it was part of my job to figure things out and set up people with tasks for the day. Come to my knowledge, I tend to frown when I’m thinking.
“Why are you grumpy all the time”, someone asked me.
“What??? I’m not grumpy”, I replied.
“You walk around frowning a lot”.
“I do? I’m just thinking”.
Without my knowledge, I had become a grumpy person and that’s not somebody I want to be. I started consciously walking around with a smile on my face and all of a sudden I wasn’t a grumpy person anymore (although, I’m sure I still frown think from time to time).
We had a new neighbor move into the neighborhood last year, a few houses down from us. The husband (I’ll call him Fred for this story) and his wife are probably in their 30s and they just had their first child. We are fortunate to live at the end of a quiet street and all of our neighbors have multiple children, ages between 4-17. The road dead ends, so it’s a safe and perfect place for children to play.
Shortly after Fred moved in, he started grumbling and fighting with his neighbors on either side of his house about things he was unhappy with about their houses and yards. Fred also seems to like his drink too much at times and caused some late night disturbances with the neighbors across from him. As you can tell, he was quickly making friends.
After they had their baby, as any parent could tell you, the beginning months can be a challenge, especially for first time parents. Their baby is sleeping or not sleeping at all hours of the day. Fred has decided the whole neighborhood has to be quiet while the baby is sleeping during the day, especially all the neighborhood children playing outside. He has taken it upon himself to come out and yell at the kids for playing, which of course isn’t going down too well with the rest of us.
What about the garbage trucks collecting garbage? Delivery people? People cutting grass? Umm, ok….seems ludicrous to me. I get if the kids were being excessively noisy or obnoxious, but they aren’t actually being that loud.
Of course, after hearing about this man yelling at my son, I wanted to march down to his house and tell him a thing or two (that happened, but not by me). But then the thought came into my head, does he realize that he is the neighbor in the neighborhood that everyone hates? (I don’t hate him, I actually appreciate the learning experience).
It would seem to be more constructive to ask him if this who he wants to be (and to tell him about white noise machines, like fans or air purifiers 😜). Maybe he doesn’t know the neighbors despise him and are praying for him to sell his house and move out. I’m sure there is more to Fred than I know, but to the neighborhood, he’s the neighborhood jerk. I doubt that is who he would like to be.
I recently watch a show on Netflix called Mission Joy- Finding happiness in troubled times. It was about the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, their lives, challenges and why they are joyous despite having every reason to be bitter and be a complainer. It was a conscious decision not to be that way and live life joyously and spread that joy. I highly recommend the show. It was just a treat to watch those two interact, laugh and be brothers despite their religious differences.
The main conversation I was having with my children, was about complainers. Complainers are interesting people, because they always can find something to complain about, and it usually doesn’t take long for them to start once a conversation starts.
One of my kids was in the living room, and they were complaining about this and they were complaining about that. Finally, I had enough and exploded out, “why don’t you do something about what you’re complaining about instead of complaining about it”. (Dex might have had something to do with my explosion).
Complaining does nothing constructive, other than driving everyone around you crazy and not wanting to be around you. If something bothers you, do something about it. A person could spend more time and energy complaining about something than it actually takes to rectify the situation. (Of course, by my previous example, there are better or worse ways of doing something about things).
My wife and I were talking about complainers and she poised the question, “Do complainers, know they are complainers?” Briefly I thought and said “I don’t think they do”. I think what people who complain excessively are after, is attention.
I asked my children, “Do you want to be a person who stays in one place and just complains about everything in their lives or do you want to be a person who takes the lead, overcomes things and can change the world around them? Who do you want to be?”
Toxic people come up when you are dealing with cancer, more specifically, not being around toxic people when you are trying to recover from cancer. I do believe that, that’s completely valid and good advice. Toxic people are hard to be around when you’re healthy.
Then the thought occurred to me, what about toxic patients?
“God, why won’t this guy just die already!”
Certainly, anyone who has a chronic illness has a good excuse to complain. But to the point, where everyone is sick of you? One of my goals is not to become a person like that. That’s not who I want to be.
Early on in my cancer journey, about three years ago now, I went to India for about a month for Panchakarma treatment. The treatment is essentially purging your toxins (which can include mental toxins) and having your reset button pressed. I had just gone through the wringer with chemo and still having the mental struggles that come with cancer.
I wasn’t able to get a room at the clinic in India, so I rented a room a short distance away and took a tuk tuk back and forth. On the tuk tuk trip, sometimes I would see a crippled man on the corner, shirtless with a ragged cloth around his lower half. It looked like his legs had never worked from birth. He would be sitting on the ground, on his torso, with his skinny twisted legs folded behind him for probably hours.
The image of him is burned into my mind. From my point of view, I had been dealt a bit of a bum hand with myeloma. BAM, some perspective had just slapped me upside the head. What do I have to complain about? All of a sudden, I knew I had and will continue to have, a better and less challenging life than this person, myeloma and all. From now on, when ever I feel like complaining about things, an image of this man with his twisted legs, breathing in tuk tuk exhaust, pops into my head to remind me to be grateful for what I have.
I met a number of amazing people on that trip to India. Two that stand out in my mind were a Buddhist Lama and his interpreter monk. I have been blessed to have met and spent time with some very holy people in my life. These people have a presence about them and just being in the same room as them, you know that you are in the presence of someone really special. This Buddhist Lama is one of those people. But, this particular little story is about his interpreter monk.
She (yes, it’s a she, I generally think of monks as men) was born with a rare heart condition. She was very small and weak as a child and was always getting sick, because of it. She was so sick and weak one time she couldn’t get out of bed for months. She kept taking Tibetan herbs and praying, and she eventually got stronger and better enough to get up and go on with life, but still had this heart condition. She saw western medical doctors and had multiple heart surgeries, but the condition is not curable. Her heart can stop beating at any moment and she will die.
I did not know any of this when I first met her. She has one of the best, brightest smiles, that I’ve ever met and she is always smiling. How could this person exist, who is so full of life and happiness, literally have their heart stop beating at any moment? Shouldn’t she be grumpy, gloomy and miserable? Curled up in their bed, crying? She was the complete opposite!
Again, what do I have to complain about? She is a person who I would like to be like. She chose to be this happy, amazing person and not be consumed by what her body is doing. She has heart pains and challenges but sloughs it off, speaks many languages and be an translator for a important Lama. We had many conversations about life in the monastery, food and movies (she’s a big movie lover).
People will either show you who you want to be or who you don’t want to be. Things aren’t always easy, adversity comes in all forms, and everyone has it at points in their lives. Having cancer is hard. Having chemotherapy is hard.
Do I have the right to complain? Yes, I probably do. Do I want to? No, I don’t. Do I want to be afraid of cancer, afraid of it coming back, grumpy, a jerk, and someone that people don’t want to be around? No, I don’t. Anybody can justify doing/being anything.
Do I want to be happy and smile in the face of adversity, be a good person, a good example for my children and lead the way? Yes, I do. It’s who I want to be. It is my choice. Everyone has that choice. It is up to all of us to decide who that person is.
Who do you want to be?
Joaquin Miller Park
We went hiking the other day in Joaquin Miller Park in the Oakland hills. We had been there before, but the park is so large, we decided to go to another entrance, which ended up being a completely different experience due to the park’s size.
We have a big rainstorm hitting California at the moment, but we managed to get a hike in, in between the rain. The Bay Area fog did roll in though, which made it really COLD. Now, I do realize that it wasn’t actually cold compared to other places, but sitting around having a picnic before the hike at 39 degrees felt pretty frosty 🥶.
While hiking, we stumbled upon some reddish orange mushrooms that were pretty cool. There is nothing like moisture and decaying plant matter to spawn mushrooms! I think they are Red Russula mushrooms, but I’m definitely not a mushroom expert. Probably quite poisonous, judging by that they were still there and not collected by someone already. Apparently most red mushrooms are poisonous. We also came across some version of turkey tail mushrooms, which are always cool to see.
Hiking in the foggy redwoods was also a pretty awesome experience. I think redwoods are my favorite kind of tree, with Japanese maples being my second. Redwood trees are definitely an entity and walking in between them, you can feel their presence. These redwoods are second or third generation, as the first was logged for building materials for San Francisco over 100 years ago. So they are big, but not that big when it comes to redwoods.
There is a small grove of untouched redwoods at Henry Cowell State park in the Santa Cruz mountains. There is a tree there that is about 277 feet tall and around 1,500 years old. Can you imagine, with this being the year 2023, this tree started growing in the year 500? Just to give you an idea how large it is, it’s so wide, that it takes 16 adults hand to hand to hug the tree. And this one is still not as big as the trees near Yosemite or in Humboldt up north. They are quite something to see in person. Thinking about my previous post on gifts, these trees are a gift by just being.
And of course, Yukon thought it was the best day ever, that boy loves to hike 😊.
The Gift of Giving
I’ve been thinking about gifts a lot lately, obviously because of what time of year it is. This is something I really wanted to write about, but I’ve been spending so much time with family as of late, I haven’t had much time for writing.
I have some fond memories of opening or receiving gifts. I remember exploding with happiness and joy, one year when I was around 11-12. I had just unwrapped a Game boy! I had really wanted one so bad. Can you imagine, playing black and white (actually, I guess it was kind of greenish) Tetris in the palm of your hands! (Yes, I’m a bit of a geek at times) It was so amazing. I can see any young people reading this rolling their eyes, but this was really cutting edge technology. It’s nothing compared to today’s technology, but back in my day, HOLY COW!
Or the time my Dad got a basketball hoop and hung it on our garage. Finally, I could shoot hoops as much as I wanted. One year, my Dad had some new asphalt laid on the driveway, which included in front of the garage. It was a brand new court, no more bouncing the ball on a random rock and shooting off in a different direction. The pavement was a thing of beauty.
I remember one birthday, maybe around the age of 11, I spent almost the whole day volunteering. I came home just for a little bit, barely had any times for presents or cake. I remember going to bed that night, thinking it was my best birthday ever. (I do remember getting Mario Bros 2 for NES, which was awesome until I realized Nintendo pulled a fast one on everyone, and it wasn’t a true Mario game). Maybe at this point, I had received a glimpse of giving?
Fast forward a few decades and I had children of my own. Holidays with kids in the house is 1000% better than not having them around. They just ooze with anticipation and excitement. It’s so much fun to be around. I loved shopping for and buying wooden Thomas the trains, legos and craft projects for my children. One year, I was hunting for a wooden Cranky the crane (from Thomas) that my eldest son really wanted. I finally found one on eBay, new and for a price I wanted to pay. Score, victory! My son exploded with happiness as he unwrapped, opened the box and started cranking the handle to move the string up and down, carrying a piece of cargo.
By this point, I was on board with giving. I was married and wanted to give whatever I could to my wife and make her happy. We started having kids and I wanted to give them whatever I could and make them happy. I was a giving pro or at least I thought (legend in my own mind again).
As it turns out, it’s actually quite easy to give things to children and they get happy and excited. What about adults?!?! Try to give something to an adult and have them radiate happiness and joy.
Throughout my life, I’ve heard the saying, “you can’t actually give anything away.” I thought, “that’s nice”, without understanding. Within the last 5-8 years, I think I finally have understanding and that increases every year. I’m a believer.
As it turns out (Again!), it’s actually the person who is giving, who is the one who is benefiting the most!
Wow, what a lesson, and I don’t think it’s a lesson that everyone learns. I’m not sure if I’m reaching an age that has some wisdom that comes with it (I still have a long way to go in the wisdom department, maybe by 80 I’ll be wise?) or it’s part of my cancer-university (growth) or what? Of course it helps to have some givers in my life that I can observe. Maybe in another 10 years I will finally get it completely.
I think people who just buy everything that they want for themselves, because they can or don’t care to take the time to give, are the ones who are really missing out. I find that a shame for them and actually pity them.
True giving, taking the time to think about, find, buy or make a gift and have it be something that brings happiness or joy to a person, is something special for the giver. They are the ones who get that good feeling in their chest, that true happiness radiating from and around their heart.
And if you want to talk about true happiness, try volunteering or giving your time to someone in need and receive a (golden) genuine “thank you” in return. Holy cow! That’s something that nurtures your soul.
Of course, you don’t always give or get what (they) you wanted. It’s probably not possible 100% of the time. Perhaps, it’s more about the energy or the wanting to give, that comes with a gift, than whatever the gift actually is. That’s maybe what’s actually important.
I can’t speak for my parents and the game boy, but I have a feeling, as with when Cranky the crane entered ours lives, that my wife and I were the real winners that day. As my years, holidays, birthdays and anniversaries go by, it’s more important for me to give than it is to get, because I’m the lucky one in the end, who receives the Gift of Giving.
Brains……
It feels like a long time since I posted something, but actually it hasn’t been that long. I have been working on a few things, but they aren’t done yet.
I switched recently from getting Dara and dex weekly, to every other week. I seemed to be more or less humming along getting it weekly so that’s what I was expecting, getting it every other week.
Well, I was wrong about that. It almost seems like my body reset from the drugs and I was getting them for the first time all over again. Nothing major from side affects, other than extreme FATIGUE. I was a zombie for days. I had my normal loss of sleep for two days from the dex, but even on those days I didn’t want to get out of bed in the middle of the night to do things, like I normally do. I get the injection and dex on Saturday and more dex on Sunday.
Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I was sleeping 9-10 hours a night. I’d go to bed tired and wake up just as tired 🥱. It wasn’t until Thursday, til I started snapping out of it. It would have been interesting to see a CBC, to see what the blood was doing. Red blood cell drop?
I was still up doing things, but as bedtime got closer, my bed was looking so good. “Honey, I’m going to bed!”
No chemo this week, I’m even on a Pom break. Blood tests at the end of the week.
Speaking of blood tests. I was reading an article about some myeloma patients relapsing after initial treatment with bispecific antibodies, which of course is what Dara is. HAHA, just what I need to be reading after starting initial treatment 😅.
I could see my mind, almost from a third party, start the fear cycle. It lasted a few seconds before I said to myself “Screw it, I’m not going down this road. It’s either working or not and that’s out of my control.” Keep living while you still have life and not worry about the rest.
I’ve been referred to Stanford for a bone marrow transplant. I have my meeting with them tomorrow. I met with them 3 years ago to go over everything and learn about it. I did not elect to do it at the time. Something about it never sat right with me. It just seems counterintuitive to me. Dropping an atomic bomb on my body, while they try and keep me alive, waiting for my body to pick up the pieces and put it back together.
I hired a myeloma specialist earlier in the year from UCSF. I had to pay out of pocket for it, since my provider claims to have expertise in myeloma and they wouldn’t cover it, since it’s out of network. I now know, their expertise is limited compared to the specialist and UCSF. American health care can be so frustrating 😡.
The specialist told me, that there are basically only four things that work against myeloma. Initial treatment, Bone marrow transplant, Dara and Car T cell therapy. There is some free knowledge for you from a specialist. Hence, that’s why I’m back to heading down to talk with Stanford tomorrow. I’ve learned to let go of things and just go with the flow in my particular point in the river.
My youngest son Rohan (12), decided he wanted to play baseball. They have a winter league starting up soon, so we signed him up. He’s really excited and looking forward to it. I decided to sign up to be a assistant coach for his age group. I’m not sure what compelled me to volunteer to be surrounded by a bunch of pre teens and teens. I’ll just have to not come on days that I’m affected by dex 🤯.
I do enjoy baseball. I played on a team when I was around his age. I remember being so competitive. I played first base for the beginning of the season. Our worse player got stuck out in right field of course. After seeing him not catch the ball repeatedly, I asked to be switched to center field.
I remember one game, the other team figured out that our right fielder had catching issues and kept hitting the ball to right. Hit after hit, run after run. I got so mad at my teammate. I was playing center and a good chunk of right, which of course is too much ground to cover effectively for one person. I was having balls fall in center because I was in right field, which of course did not help my mental attitude 😅. We lost the game of course.
Our right fielder had lots of fielding practice going forward and things got better, including his happiness. I’m sure he didn’t like dropping every ball that was hit his way. I’d sure like to go back in time and smack myself on top of the head to gain some sense.
Looking back on something like that now, it’s so trivial. Like a little league game matters in the grand scheme of things. It’s funny how a lot of things in life we give greater importance to than they actually have. One of the things that matter (in my opinion) with life, is the happiness for the people that surround you. I hope to pass that on to the next generation.
The Yukon Fan Club
This is our family dog, Yukon. He is a 2 year old English cream Labrador retriever. He was born on a winery in Napa of all places. There was an English gentleman, who had 2 English creams as pets and were also his trademark for his wine. One was a boy and the other was a girl. Nature happened and Yukon came into this world.
He is a mellow, easy going guy. I wanted to get a dog for my children, to increase the happiness in our household. They have wanted to get a dog for a long while and I always resisted. No time like the present is how I find myself living more and more.
For some reason, beyond my reasoning, he decided that I am his favorite person. I don’t dislike dogs but the the rest of my family all liked dogs better than I. Go figure. I must need it more???
He is a goofy boy. His hobbies include loving anyone he can, watching squirrels, eating almond butter and popcorn, chasing the leaf blower, marking the neighborhood, playing, breathing in my face and helping me do whatever I do, no matter what.
This includes helping me: go for walks, eat my meals, garden, qigong, meditate, cook, vacuum, write (he’s under the table right now helping write this), take a nap, do laundry, get changed, take the garbage cans down the road and clipping my toe nails. We have nicknamed him, my shadow. As far as he is concerned, wherever I go, he goes.
An interesting thing I noticed about Yukon, is that he is always legitimately really happy to see everyone, all the time, no matter who it is.
Everyday is the best day, even if we just take out the garbage. Maybe the world would be a better place if we were all like dogs?
Tennessee Beach
A few days ago, my wife Vasuki and I went on a mini adventure. I saw on a map a few days prior that there was a beach, near Muir beach, that I didn’t know existed. I do enjoy going somewhere new to experience something different or unknown.
If you live in the Bay Area, I do recommend checking out Tennessee Beach located in Marin. It is a hike in beach, about 2 miles each way from the parking lot, but it is a flat hike, so quite easy. The hike itself is quite a nice hike with interesting things to see (wildlife, marshland, trees).
Tennessee beach is a rock beach, which was cool. The colors and formations were amazing. Mother Nature always seems to impress.
Carrots Over Cancer 