Tag: laughter

Blog

My Central Catheter Humor

Jothi

I had a central tunneled catheter placed in my chest for harvesting my stems cells and transplant. I got to the operating area early in the morning and waited for my name to be called. After 15 minutes or so I was called and walked back to the prep area with the nurse.

She gave me a gown and told me to change. When I was done, she asked,

“Do you have a hairy chest?”

“Umm…. Yes?”

“I’m shaving it off.”

“Ok”

So she had me lay down on the bed, open up my shirt, and she got to work. Buzz buzz buzz. It turns out she only needed to shave my upper part of my chest, right above my nipples, all the way across.

I saw myself later in the day, shirtless in front of a mirror. Clear skin on the top and a hair bottom. It looks like I have a tube top on. Too bad I’m not busty. Actually, I take that back, I’m not interested in man boobs.

Speaking of boobs, the way they placed the catheter, I had both lumen ends in my armpit, which was a bit annoying. I was telling my family this, and said,

“I’m going to start wearing a bra just to hold my tubes from swinging around.”

My daughter quickly volunteered to take me bra shopping.

Anyhow, the catheter did its job. It turns out, one of my ends fell apart after stem cell collection and no one noticed. Come to find out, without the ends on, it’s like having a (clamped) plastic vein hanging out of your chests. Due to the infection risk, they yanked it out, only after a few days of having it. A week later they installed a picc line in my arm for the high dose chemo and stem cell rescue procedure.

I’m at day +5 right now for the myeloma people out there, and I’m hanging in there.

Wisdom

Wisdom From The Billy’s Of The Hills

Jothi

I’m not sure who wrote these, but most of these are pure GOLD, enjoy.

𝐎𝐥𝐝 𝐇𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐖𝐢𝐬𝐝𝐨𝐦:

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Keep skunks, bankers, and politicians at a distance.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

If you don’t take the time to do it right, you’ll find the time to do it twice.

Don’t corner something that is meaner than you.

It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

Don’t be banging your shin on a stool that’s not in the way.

Borrowing trouble from the future doesn’t deplete the supply.

Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.

Don’t judge folks by their relatives.

Silence is sometimes the best answer.

Don‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin’ you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you’ll ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every mornin’.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.

If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Most times, it just gets down to common sense.

Blog

How To Stop Unstoppable Hiccups

Jothi

As it turns out, one of the rare side effects of dexamethasone is uncontrolled hiccups. And guess what? I am lucky enough to have that side effect.

It was kind of funny the first time it happened, years ago now. Hic hic hic. I tried all my normal methods of stopping hiccups. Held my breath. Drank some water. Held my breath and drank some water, etc. Nothing worked. Hic hic hic. I thought they would just go away with some time. They didn’t.

I was hiccuping for hours and things were starting to get hairy. I was hiccuping up stomach acid, and it was getting painful, and I couldn’t get it to stop!

It turns out there is a simple solution for any hiccups, unstoppable or regular. Also, the great thing about it, it stops them very quickly.

Sucking on a lemon wedge. Something about the sour and the sucking motion, wipes out hiccups almost instantaneously. Plus, who doesn’t look great with a lemon wedge there instead of teeth, added bonus!

All you have to do is bite a little bit on the lemon flesh, to release the juice, and suck on the wedge like a pacifier. Make sure you are swallowing the juice as you do it. I was a little concerned when I was hiccuping up acid, adding more acid (lemon juice) to acid, but it stopped them so quickly, I almost felt like my esophagus’s life had just been saved.

Now if they ever start, I get a lemon wedge right away and not let it get that far. There you go. I hope this saves your esophagus’s life or at least some sanity from not hiccuping forever….

I had to add this one, it was too funny. I think I would make a good passport photo, imagine the immigration officer’s face.